“Is anybody here a doctor?”

I’m sitting alone at the bar.

Everybody else is rushing around, panicking, shouting for help. A man has collapsed three stools to my left, spilling his vodka club. It’s a shame, really, to waste a drink like that. All the chaos is beginning to distract me from my glass.

“Is anybody here a doctor?!”

I’m no doctor — I am a writer. I’m tired of seeing these people fly in like they’re Superman or Wonder Woman, saving the day and shit. I want to be needed like that, by someone. I want to be the hero. Just one time.

Fuck it. I down my bourbon, throw some cash on the bar, and bounce.

On my walk home, I hear sirens. An ambulance whizzes by, I can only assume transporting Vodka Club Guy. He’s saved.

I flip on the TV when I get into my apartment. The news is on.

On a brighter note, Mittens the Kitten finally made her way down from that tree after 37 hours. The hero: a retired firefighter… “Every time someone tried to climb toward it slowly, the poor thing went higher. So I said, ‘Screw it — I can out-climb this tiny cat.’”


Bar again. Minding my own business, enjoying my drink.

*BOOM*

Something crashes to the floor. I don’t even turn to see what’s going on this time. Probably: Oh no, blah blah, someone’s hurt, blah, please help, doctor, blah, save him. Obviously, nothing I do will help.

A crowd gathers behind me, everybody panicking like the, uh, panickers they are. (I do this for a living — I should be able to come up with something better than that.)

“Is there a writer in the house?!”

My eyes shoot up from my bourbon. Did I hear that right, or have I had one too many? I tilt my head, waiting for confirmation.

“Is anyone here a writer?”

My ears did not deceive me. I spring into action, fighting through the crowd to see what’s up.

“I’m a, uh, writer.”

“Oh my gosh, great. So glad you’re here to help.”

When I look down, I see an iPhone on the floor. Next to the phone is a man, fallen to his knees. He’s upset.

“I just can’t do it anymore. It’s so frustrating!”

I look to the person who called me over to help.

“What can you do? He doesn’t know what to say to this girl…”

“What?”

“You said you’re a writer, right? Quick, help him!”

I smile bigger than I’d care to admit. I crouch down and pick up the phone without saying a word. After scanning the previous texts between the victim and the girl, I begin typing like a man possessed — thumbs moving at twelve-times the speed of their surroundings.

I stand up like a boss, flip the phone to the dude, and start walking away before he even catches it. As he looks down at the conversation, the girl responds:

The bar folk erupt— this time not in panic but in celebration. I reclaim my seat at the bar and finish my drink as the crowd cheers behind me.

*Originally published in The Coffeelicious on Medium.

What Your Favorite Christmas Movies Are Really About

True Meanings of 20 Holiday Classics You Know and Love

Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, chances are you’ve seen a Christmas-themed movie or two. Or thirty. Many of us begin watching these films at a young age, appreciating them for capturing the “true meaning of Christmas,” without knowing what that actually means. But the problem isn’t that we’re confused about the significance of Christmas. We are, but the real problem is that we’ve got the true meanings of these movies all wrong.

The films we fell in love with as kids reveal more layers every time we watch. So, I’ve compiled a list of some of the most popular and beloved Christmas movies to hopefully explain the hidden and not-so-hidden messages behind them. Keep reading only if you’re ready for your minds to be blown and your childhood fantasy worlds to be shattered.

WARNING: SOME SPOILERS AHEAD.

1. Elf

(Screenshot/Whysoblu.com)

Memorable quote: “I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.”

What it’s really about: Disappointment. Your dad is never what you hoped he’d be the first time you meet him. And you’re not what he expected either.

2. A Christmas Story

(Screenshot/Screenprism)

Memorable quote: “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”

What it’s really about: Not sure how many different ways we need to say this, but guns are bad, mmkay?

3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

(Screenshot/PRNewswire)

Memorable quote: “I’m cute! I’m cuuuuuuute!”

What it’s really about: Rosacea.

4. Frosty the Snowman

(Screenshot/A Cartoon Christmas)

Memorable quote: “And when I start to melt, I get all wishy-washy.”

What it’s really about: A snowman is a metaphor for that friend you see a lot during the holidays but then don’t see again for like 10 months because he has a cocaine problem.


To see the rest of this list, head over to the full article on Medium!

What to Give Your New Flame for Christmas

Tips for finding that perfect ‘in-between’ gift

What is this? I can feel it in the air. Things are… changing. Temperatures, dropping. Prices, dropping. Most single girls’ standards? As low as ever.

Fall and winter are known as “cuffing season,” which refers to how people find their ways into relationships as the weather gets colder and the holidays near. During this time of the year, “Netflix and chill” becomes the preferred date option to “I don’t know.” Most people would rather stay in with someone they don’t mind than go out and meet a bunch of people they hate. It’s like hibernation, but with more hot chocolate and OTPHJs. However you want to describe it, “cuffing season” is in full-swing.

That means Christmas is coming, too, which leaves you with tons of shopping to do for family and friends. Of course, if you’re fortunate enough not to becompletely and utterly alone this holiday season, you’ll also have to find a gift for your significant other.

But as you’re shopping for loved ones, what type of gift do you get for someone you just started dating?


To read more about my in-between gift tips, follow this link to the full article on Medium.

Lance’s Story

Life is unpredictable. You can plan out every detail and be amazed or disappointed with the way things unfold, or you can roll with the punches and choose your moments to take action. You may know where or who you want to be ten years from now, but to think you have complete control over the way it plays out is incredibly shortsighted.

In July of 2010, we had to put our dog down. Woody was an English Mastiff — the huge dog from The Sandlot — with an ambiguous past. We rescued him when he was about four years old, so the first few years of his life were a mystery to us and even to the woman who’d found him in the woods (hence, the name). He was great with us; he just didn’t like certain people, and he was untrusting of strangers. I don’t think he liked the smell of cigarettes, either.

Large dogs don’t live quite as long as smaller pooches because of physical complications, especially with the hips and back legs. When we said goodbye to Woody, we agreed not to get another dog. For the foreseeable future, our home would be petless. Cleaner, yes, and at least a little quieter — but as empty as it’d felt in years.

A couple of months later, my family drove up to Lake Placid for my cousin’s wedding. My brother and I had floated around the idea of getting a puppy, but my dad wasn’t entertaining it. Mom kept her opinions to herself because she didn’t want to take sides (read: Mom wanted a dog but wouldn’t say anything). While in our hotel room, my dad’s phone buzzed. His friend had found a German Shepherd tied to a pole on the side of the road a few days earlier. Dad’s buddy was an active volunteer for a German Shepherd rescue organization and a dog owner himself, so he didn’t want his home overrun by Shepherds.

“I, uh, know you guys were maybe looking for a dog…”

My dad’s biggest mistake was showing us a picture of the pup, which was the point I made when arguing why we should take the dog. If Dad didn’t want to get another dog, why would he show his family — three people who clearly wanted another pet — a photo of an adorable, helpless German Shepherd? He unconsciously wanted the house to be less clean, less quiet, less empty.

Nothing about the future is foreseeable.

On September 6th, 2010, we officially got Lance, our new pet and family member. If you’re wondering where in the hell we got Lance from, we’d begun brainstorming names in that Lake Placid hotel room. After tossing around a few stupid ideas, my dad’s friend told us he had taken the dog to the vet and the vet said the dog only had one testicle.

That was it. We named him Lance. (Now he has none.)


To read more about Lance, check out the full story on Medium.

My Experiment With Serial Fiction

I’ve recently repurposed a story I wrote in college and turned it into a serialized fiction story. I don’t know how many installments it will consist of, but I do know that the first two are available for you to read RIGHT NOW. (I’m currently working on the third episode, which will hopefully be ready next week.)

Please check them out and let me know what you think!


Dr. Jeremy | Episode 1: “Trust Me”

Dr. Jeremy | Episode 2: “Double Criminal”

Also, if you have an account on Medium and are not following me, please do so. I’d love to connect.
Ryan Hussey on Medium

My Personal Guide to Tinder, Part 3

IMG_2050

After reading Part 1 and Part 2 of my Tinder installments, I realized that the most interesting sections are the stories. Sure, the rules are entertaining to write and read about, but it’s more fun to see those guidelines in action. So, for this third installment, I’ll focus more on anecdotes from my Tinder experiences.

My personal Tinder guidelines (cont.)

Remember: Swipe left for NOPE, swipe right for LIKE.

  1. Swipe right if she has a cute puppy. (<-not a typo)
  2. If she’s holding a cigarette in a photo, swipe left.
  3. Blurry photo? Are you serious? This is 2015. Swipe left.
  4. If she looks like my brother’s girlfriend, hmm…
  5. If she looks like my brother’s girlfriend with a different skin pigment, screenshot and send to him. Swipe direction irrelevant.
  6. If she looks like an ex, swipe right because I have deep-seated issues.
  7. If there’s a photo that looks like it has a story behind it, swipe right. (My curiosity might get the best of me sometimes, so if this rule conflicts with a previous rule, the previous rule shall maintain precedence.)

Playing by the rules

I could claim that I stick to the guidelines I’ve laid out in these three installments. And most of the time, I do consider my “rules” before swiping. However, you know how it goes: Some rules are made to be broken

6. If she likes Weezer, investigate further.

You wouldn’t believe how many girls claim they love Weezer and that their favorite song is “Island in the Sun.” If that’s your favorite Weezer song, you haven’t heard enough Weezer.

17. If all of her photos feature the same pose, swipe left because she’s probably a statue or mannequin and there is literally no evidence to refute that.

Sometimes I swipe right just to comment on how every photo is the same. For example:

IMG_2052

For the record, she does always have headphones in.

18. If I can’t pronounce her name, swipe left.

I’m pretty sure I’ve swiped right for girls with no vowels in their names.

25. If she mentions faith and/or religion in her About Me section, swipe left because ain’t nobody got time for that.

Yesterday, I literally swiped left for an attractive girl solely because there was a crucifix in the background of her photo.

32. Swipe right if she has a cute puppy.

I swipe right all the time for girls I’m not even attracted to because of the possibility I’ll get to play with their dogs.

Pic or it didn’t happen

What’s a good story without some photographic evidence? In this section, you’ll find some of my favorite conversations that I thought were funny enough to screenshot and post on the Internet…

IMG_1991

$60 for a half hour?! What if I only need five minutes?

In the picture above, you’ll see my first encounter with a prostitute(?) on Tinder. I would love to say it’d be my only encounter, but that just wouldn’t be true. Turns out there are a ton of whores on Tinder, or at least girls/women who are looking to exchange sexual favors for money. (It’s fair to call them “whores,” right?)Berenice

Now, these girls differ from the elegant “Ellen” (pictured with headphones above), who just wanted to share her pornographic photos with me — I assume for free.

As I’ve encountered more and more of these girls, I’ve become deft at spotting them out before I even swipe. And if you know me, you know I’m swiping right almost every time to prove my hypothesis.

Usually, when I have a hunch that a girl is fake, I sabotage the conversation to see how far I can take it before she bails. Because if I’m not going to get a date out of it, I might as well get a decent story to tell my friends. Sometimes, these girls don’t answer and all but confirm their nonexistence. Other times, they either play along or are telling the truth and have actually moved from Germany recently (see Isabel screenshots below).IMG_2004IMG_2006

Strictly business

Like I said, I’m getting quite good at picking out which girls will probably have sex for money before I even swipe. I imagine that these accounts get a high volume of messages from guys who simply think the girl in the photo(s) is attractive. From that amount, I wonder what the success rate is for these entreprewhores. I mean, they’re operating their businesses in a marketplace where they already know exactly what the consumers want. So, targeting is not an issue because these accounts probably just swipe right for everybody to maximize their reach.

If a guy has $60-100 to spare, he can get — in one night — what would’ve taken him anywhere between three and five dates, as well as upwards of $100, to obtain. While I don’t want to judge anyone for being that desperate, and while I absolutely do not want to criticize somebody’s business (however illegal it may be), I do understand how and why it can be an effective use of the Tinder app.

Also, I basically just provided free advertisements for like three or four hookers. Happy dating!

IMG_2054

To be continued…?

My Personal Guide to Tinder, Part 2

A solution to a problem that doesn’t exist

Maybe it’s time for me to swipe right on the concept of online dating.

-me, in My Personal Guide to Tinder, Part 1

The last time I checked in, I was just beginning my Tinder journey. After hearing a handful of success stories, I decided that I’d give the dating app another chance. Perhaps it could be the “solution to my perpetual loneliness” (direct quote from my last post). But what I neglected to realize is that “my perpetual loneliness” is a conscious decision I’ve made, and frankly it’s not much of a problem at all. So, instead of looking at Tinder as a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist, I’m going to look at it as an opportunity — an opportunity to open doors that would remain closed otherwise.

My personal Tinder guidelines (cont.)

As I continue to use the app, I find myself developing more and more habits. One interesting observation I’ll make about these “rules” is that an overwhelming majority of them involve swiping left, effectively narrowing down (limiting?) my options. Like I said, I am the main reason those doors are closed in the first place.

Remember: Swipe left for NOPE, swipe right for LIKE.

  1. If I can’t pronounce her name, swipe left.
  2. Swipe left for girls whose names have stupid spellings (ie. Tayler, Elisabeth).
  3. *addendum to existing rule(s)* If there are two girls in the first photo and I can’t tell which one she is — BUT both girls are smoking hotswipe right. Swipe right immediately because it doesn’t matter which girl she is. Plus, she has gorgeous friends.
  4. If she has any more than zero (0) photos containing a horse, swipe left.
  5. If there is a glaring spelling/grammatical error in her About Me section, swipe left.
  6. If a girl is too New Jersey¹, swipe left.
  7. If she has something like If you _________, keep it moving! in her profile, swipe left.
  8. If she mentions faith and/or religion in her About Me section, swipe left because ain’t nobody got time for that.
  9. If her name is Dina, swipe left.
  10. Swipe left if her weight isn’t discernible. (I know this makes me sound like a shallow asshole, but what’s the point of swiping right on somebody I don’t really want to talk to? That’d be sacrificing the integrity of Tinder. <<<<< That was a funny sentence.)
  11. CrossFit? Swipe left.
  12. If she has bad teeth, swipe left. (If she doesn’t have her mouth open in any of her photos, there is no way to prove she even has teeth. Obviously swipe left.)
  13. If we have mutual friends, assess the situation. (But then probably swipe right to see if she did/does the same.)
  14. If we have mutual interests, refer to all preceding rules because literally nothing matters less than this. (Exception: Weezer — see Rule #6 in previous post.)

Another Tinder anecdote for you

I broke one of my own rules recently (Rule #21, if we’re keeping track²). I noticed that the girl actually had two photos with a horse — something that would normally have me scoffing and swiping any which way but right…

IMG_1813

I’m going to end up with one of those girls who’s super in love with her horse, aren’t I?

However, this girl happened to be very attractive and quite skinny. Perhaps this is a weakness of mine.

To be continued…?


Footnotes:

¹You know exactly what I mean.

²PUN ALERT.

My Personal Guide to Tinder, Part 1

Obligatory introduction and customary rhetorical questioning

I recently re-downloaded the Tinder app after meeting my friend’s new girlfriend. He met her through Tinder — an app I deleted about a year ago after assuming it was just for random local hookups — and she happens to be a very nice girl. This threw me for a loop and forced me to reconsider this form of online dating as a potential solution to my perpetual loneliness.

Could Tinder really be a way of finding love? How could I be so wrong about something I refused to take seriously following my initial experimentation?

Tinder

Maybe it’s time for me to swipe right on the concept of online dating. (Photo/gotinder.com)

 

For those who aren’t familiar with the app, Tinder is a mobile application that allows users to see profiles of fellow nearby users, and then either swipe left (to pass) or swipe right (to “like”). This first step of the Tinder process is essentially the Hot or Not concept, a binary system of judgment — we either like a person or we don’t.

Profiles consist of several items, including photos, age, distance from the user, and an About Me section with a 500-character limit. Tinder also allows users to see what common interests they have, as well as mutual friends (since the info is pulled from Facebook).

Here's a quick look at the matchmaking app's user interface. (Photo/gotinder.com)

Here’s a quick look at the matchmaking app’s user interface. (Photo/gotinder.com)

There was another major reason I originally deleted the Tinder app. Simply put, I didn’t feel comfortable judging people solely based on looks. I mean, I do it in real life — we all do — but it’s different when I’m actively judging someone aesthetically. At a bar (or wherever everybody meets people), I’m swiping left or right in my head. It’s more of a passive behavior. On Tinder, I’m outwardly expressing my distaste of someone’s appearance, and for some reason the rejection feels more personal. And frankly, that makes me feel bad about myself.

I don’t like feeling bad about myself, so I deleted the app. Perhaps this is why I’m single.

My personal Tinder guidelines

As I’ve started using the app again, I’ve established certain rules to ensure that I take it more seriously this time around. While some of these habits I’ve developed are designed to broaden my Tinder horizons, others are without a doubt designed to weed out specific types of girls. (I know: “Beggars can’t be choosers,” but I’m not taking what I can get if all I get is a night I won’t remember and a rash that won’t go away.)

Remember: Swipe left for NOPE, swipe right for LIKE.

  1. Swipe right for anybody named Chelsea.
  2. If it takes me more than two photos to figure out which girl she is, swipe left.
  3. If she has no photos of just her, swipe left.
  4. If there is any mention of EDM, Chipotle, or “friends with 420” in her About Me section, swipe left.
  5. If she quotes Marilyn Monroe in her About Me section, swipe left.
  6. If she likes Weezer, investigate further.
  7. If she looks younger than 18 years old but claims to be 22, think about it really hard before swiping left. (Read: swipe right.)
  8. Swipe right for attractive non-Caucasian girls because I am an equal opportunity Tinderer, eradicating racism one swipe at a time.
  9. If she isn’t the most attractive girl in the photo, swipe left. I don’t want any problems.
  10. If she’s throwing up the middle finger in a photo, swipe left.
  11. If she’s throwing up in a photo, period, swipe left.
  12. If she’s taking a bottle of alcohol to the face in a photo, swipe left.
  13. If all of the girl’s photos feature said girl in her underwear or swimwear, admire for a few moments and then swipe left. She’s clearly too advanced for me sexually. I can only assume that she’d be looking to get right down to business while I’d be asking her if she’s seen Gone Girl yet.
  14. If she includes her Instagram account information in her profile, assume nothing is off-limits. Swipe accordingly.
  15. If she looks like Taylor Swift, swipe right.
  16. If she’s 5’10 like T-Swift, swipe left. I’m not the type of guy to shy away from a girl who’s taller than me, but most tall girls don’t want to date shorter guys. I understand that, so I’m not going to waste anybody’s time — including mine.
  17. If all of her photos feature the same pose, swipe left because she’s probably a statue or mannequin and there is literally no evidence to refute that.

Suggestions for Tinder users

As a general rule, you should try to have a clear photo of your face in your first photo, then a full body shot somewhere, then any other cool photos that make you look good. This way, other people will get a good idea of what they’re dealing with. A lot of Tinder users — both girls and guys (I’ve been told) — have a deceptively attractive photo as their first picture. Then the rest of the photos make you wonder where the person in the first one went. Lighting and angles can be misleading. Don’t be one of the people who abuse this fact.

And here’s a Tinder anecdote for you…

I came across a girl on Tinder whose first photo contained two females. I found only one of the girls attractive, so I clicked her profile to see exactly whose profile it was. The second photo confirmed that it was, indeed, the “hot” one — a picture of her holding a baby. Immediately, I wondered: Is that baby hers?

So, I scrolled down to read her About Me section. Lo and behold:

Yes, the baby is mine. Single mama 💪

My first thought was, Well, I’m good with kids. Swipe right.

To be continued…?

25 Groundbreaking Movies

I’ve been on a kick lately, and I can’t seem to get this concept out of my head — this concept of the “low-hanging fruit.” Why go somewhere so many other people have gone when you can do just about anything else? Why try to mimic what everybody else is doing when you have the opportunity and ability to create something new?

Innovation is exciting. New products, new businesses, new ideas — they’re what makes the world go ’round. Stagnancy is horrifying, and we all know most ideas get stale rather quickly. So, I’ve compiled a list of twenty-five of the most revolutionary films I’ve seen to honor those writers, directors, and actors who dared to try something that had never been done before. Here is my list of 25 groundbreaking movies that flipped the script on me (in no particular order), proving that taking a shot and creating something can go a long way. [WARNING: Some spoilers ahead…]

1. Toy Story

Memorable quote: “Reach for the sky!”

Why it’s noteworthy: Toy Story was Pixar’s first feature length film, so “reaching for the sky” is exactly what these animators and filmmakers were doing leading up to its 1995 release. This film pioneered the Pixar movement, paving the way for movies like Up and WALL-E, the two best Pixar films. (I will argue to the death about this assertion.)

2. The Wizard of Oz

Memorable quote: “I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Released in 1939, The Wizard of Oz was not the first movie to be made in color (though, it is commonly mistaken as being such). However, this film is groundbreaking in the way it had basically everything: music, and color, and midgets — oh my!

3. Psycho

Memorable quote: “We all go a little mad sometimes.”

Why it’s noteworthy: With Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock revolutionized the horror genre. Usually, the suspense in a movie comes before a woman removes her clothes, but Hitchcock found a way to generate suspense after a female character was already naked. Talk about groundbreaking! Also, he kills off an important character like twenty minutes into the film, which was unheard of at the time.

4. Before Sunrise

Memorable quote: “Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”

Why it’s noteworthy: Everything Richard Linklater does makes me love him more. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy deliver phenomenal performances as the lead characters, and the best part about the super-long shots and heavy dialogue is that it makes the movie feel real. Plus, the entire trilogy is fucking delightful, especially Before Sunset, the second installment, which I personally enjoyed the most.

5. Boyhood

Memorable quote: “You don’t want the bumpers. Life doesn’t give you bumpers.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Linklater did it again with Boyhood, a movie that was literally shot with the same cast over the course of twelve years. “Normal” people don’t do that. And that’s why being “normal” is overrated.

6. Hocus Pocus

Memorable quote: “It’s a full moon tonight. That’s when all the weirdos are out.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Aside from this being the only Halloween movie I at least make an attempt to watch every year (because of nostalgia and stuff), Hocus Pocus remains the only film in which I’m kind-of-sort-of-maybe attracted to Sarah Jessica Parker.

7. the original Star Wars trilogy

Memorable quote: “The Force is strong with this one.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Chances are, if somebody hasn’t actually seen any of the Star Wars films, s/he has heard of them. George Lucas’ baby is widely considered the first film franchise to extend beyond the boundaries of the movie industry. The reason everybody has heard of Star Wars is because of all of the licensed merchandise and games and whatnot that stemmed from the books/films. Also, Han Solo and incest.

8. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Memorable quote: “Hold still. I’ve never done this before, and there will be blood.”

Why it’s noteworthy: To my knowledge, this is the only film in which you are actually rooting for a character as she is literally raping another character.

9. Avatar

Memorable quote: “I see you.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Blue people sex(?).

10. American Pie

Memorable quote: “I don’t want any of you boys thinking that you’re gonna score. You don’t score until you *score*!”

Why it’s noteworthy: American Pie is one of the most important movies of the 80s and 90s because it’s the only one about a bunch of high school kids trying to have sex. Also, Jason Biggs bangs a pie.

11. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

Memorable quote: “Ladies and gentlemen, that there is a naked woman!”

Why it’s noteworthy: The first Blair Witch is often recognized as an innovative film because of the way it employed “found footage” and earned its way to an unprecedented budget/box office ratio. I believe the second Blair Witch is just as important because it was the first time I saw a boob in theaters. (I have a really cool aunt who takes ten year olds to see R-rated horror movies.)

12. Reservoir Dogs

Memorable quote: “Shit… You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs is the only heist movie I can think of that doesn’t actually show the heist.

13. The Happening

Memorable quote: “It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn’t be any more evil that can be invented.”

Why it’s noteworthy: I’ve seen this movie in its entirety and still have no idea what it’s about. I can’t say that about any other movies. Also, M. Night Shyamalan plot twist: it’s awful.

14. Just Go With It

Memorable quote: “Just go with it.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Every character just goes with it. This film has the most just-going-with-it I’ve ever seen in one movie.

15. 300

Memorable quote: “THIS IS SPARTA!”

Why it’s noteworthy: Without 300, it wouldn’t be cool to kick somebody into a giant hole while yelling something. So, there’s that.

16. 8 Mile

Memorable quote: “Yo, that ‘Leave it to Beaver’ line almost killed me.”

Why it’s noteworthy: It’s just nice to see a Caucasian from a poor area succeed and go on to make as much money as his African American counterpart for once.

17. Clockstoppers

Memorable quote: [something about a watch, probably]

Why it’s noteworthy: I don’t know if this movie is “groundbreaking,” per se, but I’ve never seen Jesse Bradford on a bicycle while time is slowed down in any other films.

18. Marley & Me

Memorable quote: “Sometimes life has a better idea.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Marley & Me is the only film guaranteed to make me cry every time I watch it. The sad part is, I don’t even cry when Marley gets put down — I cry happy tears when they move to Pennsylvania and see snow for the first time and play outside as a family. Groundbreaking filmmaking right there.

19. The Usual Suspects

Memorable quote: “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Aside from being one of my all-time favorite films, my first reaction to this movie was, “WHAAAAAATTTTTTT???”

20. Memento

Memorable quote: “I have this condition.”

Why it’s noteworthy: I give credit to the Nolan brothers for the nonlinear storytelling technique used in Memento. It’s a rather simple plot that’s made all the more intriguing by the main character’s “condition” and the reverse order of the scenes in the one storyline.

21. WALL-E

Memorable quote: “Eeeee… va?”

Why it’s noteworthy: As aforementioned, I believe WALL-E is the best Pixar film. Simply put, it’s an animated futuristic robot love story that ends up being more charming than a heavy majority of the Notebook-type movies out there. I went to see it with a group of 4th graders as a summer camp field trip, and the kids were much more excited than I was going into the film. However, on the bus ride back, the kids were disappointed and saying things like, “That movie sucked,” and I was defensively responding, “You shut your whore mouth about WALL-E!”

22. Saving Private Ryan

Memorable quote: “I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Saving Private Ryan‘s opening scene is more than enough reason to put it on this list.

23. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Memorable quote: “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Why it’s noteworthy: If this Kubrick flick was released today, it would be considered strange. Imagine how weird it was back in 1968.

24. The Tree of Life

Memorable quote: “Tell us a story from before we can remember.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Speaking of weird, The Tree of Life takes the cake for experimental filmmaking.

25. Beginners

Memorable quote: “The chair is not gay, obviously.”

Why it’s noteworthy: Beginners is the best movie ever made — hands down, no doubt about it, all arguments against it are irrelevant. The end.


Check out some other movie lists I’ve compiled:

25 Inspirational Movies

25 Depressing Movies

10 Movies That Don’t Have Enough John Goodman