This Is My Girlfriend. His Name Is Greg.

I am a twenty-three year old male from New Jersey, and although I may not be gay, I am damn proud to say I live in a state with marriage equality. What do I mean “may not be gay”? Well, I mean I’m not gay, and I’m actually not quite sure why I phrased it like that. Perhaps I live to confuse people. Maybe I enjoy making my readers wonder what the hell I’m talking about sometimes.

Or maybe it doesn’t matter. What difference would it make if I were gay? Bisexual? Asexual? Chinese? None of these would change who I am as a person, so why do we put so much weight on sexual orientation and sexual preference? (I realize “Chinese” isn’t either of those. It was a joke. Chill.)

Awhile back, I had a girl over and she had a gender-neutral name. When my father heard the name, he worried that it was a male with whom I was spending my time. Since it wasn’t, my entire family shared a laugh regarding the situation, but I still didn’t like the fact that my father was worried. My friends always joke with me about liking dudes (because I’m so comfortable with my sexuality and they know I don’t, obviously… *laughs nervously*), and my dad frequently pokes fun at my pants because they’re not baggy like Ryan Sheckler’s. I feel like everybody is waiting for me to bring somebody home one day and say: “This is my girlfriend. His name is Greg.” And that’s exactly how I’d go about it, by the way.

But I can’t wrap my head around the way we claim to have come so far as a nation and as people when so many of us still operate according to antiquated ideologies.

This past December (on my birthday, might I add), New Mexico became the seventeenth state to legalize same-sex marriage. (Utah legalized it the next day, but that’s like a whole thing now.) How is it that only seventeen states in this great country have signed this into law and stuck with it? We live in a nation built on the principle of freedom. “The land of the free and the home of the brave.” There is nothing “brave” about some of the reasons that members of marriage equality’s opposition use to justify their stance.

Well if two men can marry, then what’s stopping people from marrying their dogs?

For starters, pet owners probably love their dogs, but that doesn’t mean they are in love with them. It’s sort of like how a guy breaks up with a girl he doesn’t want to murder him immediately afterward. (“I love you, but I’m not in love with you. Ya know?”) I realize that some people are actually in love with their dogs, but I’d like to make the case that these people shouldn’t be getting married anyway.

An organization called TFP Student Action, which is a project of the American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family, and Property, has an article entitled 10 Reasons Why Homosexual “Marriage” is Harmful and Must be Opposed on its site. In the article, one of the reasons is:

6. It Does Not Create a Family but a Naturally Sterile Union”

If anything, this should be considered a positive. So what if homosexuals can’t reproduce? Many choose to adopt, which is wonderful because somebody needs to raise all of the unwanted children born as a result of the “moral opposition” to abortion and contraception.

Let’s consider this hypothetical situation:

An extremely conservative couple falls in love and gets married. (Like “real” married, not gay married.) They have a healthy baby boy and love him very much. At some point in the boy’s twenties, he comes out of the closet to his parents and admits he is homosexual. The conservative couple cannot stand the thought of their only child being gay and disown him. He finds his way, falling in love with a fantastic guy and settling down. When the homosexual couple is ready, they adopt a child from a young woman whose parents raised her not to believe in contraception nor abortion. (They also raised her not to believe in premarital sex, but that’s a different story.)

In this situation, the gay son in the beginning goes from being wanted to unwanted by his parents. The child he adopts with his partner goes from being unwanted by his/her biological parents to wanted by the gay couple.

What was the point of that particular hypothetical? To prove that whatever point I’m trying to make here is right. And now we’re back to nobody knowing what I’m talking about…

It’s a vicious circle, really, and lately I find that it is all too common. I often embark on a journey with my words, ignorant of where they will take me. While many of these journeys are well-intentioned (usually consisting of me just trying to be funny and/or incite a conversation), I dig myself into pretty deep holes sometimes.

I have yet to figure out the reason for this — whether it’s because people don’t get me or because I’m just a babbling buffoon who will sell his soul for a laugh because it makes him burn in a good type of hell on the inside. Perhaps I’ve lost you again. I may have lost myself this time.

So, what does all of this have to do with sexual preference? Nothing. But everything, really.

If I were in the closet, me not making sense would make perfect sense. However, that is not the case. Unfortunately (or fortunately? (depending on which twisted way you look at it)), I am merely a person who purposely and accidentally — but always purposefully — puts himself into situations that will test and reveal his character. I’m a tortured soul who gets off on the existential anxiety he causes himself on a daily basis.

Digging holes probably isn’t the best idea, but it’s always a rush climbing out of them. How have you challenged yourself today?

I rest my extremely heterosexual case.

I rest my extremely heterosexual case.


8 thoughts on “This Is My Girlfriend. His Name Is Greg.

  1. The fact that we are still discussing it in a ferociously combative way says that we are not where we “need” (… hm, that word choice… “need”…) to be. I have never, in my life, seen a article arguing for a woman’s right to vote. Though, perhaps, I simply didn’t look hard enough and there is one recently published out there, I believe the fact that it is simply not something we discuss, means that it is at a point in our society where it should be.

    I’ve lived in two states that have come to approve of Marriage Equality: New York where I was born and raised, and now California. The former is home to my lovely fundamentally Christian gay’s-going-to-hell hating family, from whom I see daily Facebook posts about preserving the “sanctity” of marriage by keeping it between a man and a woman….

    A fun country we live in where people concern themselves so passionately over what a person does sexually in the privacy of their homes.

    Both the marrying dogs, and sterile union arguments are popular ones. Unfortunately, rarely does reason peak through and rear it’s beautiful head to show the sheer stupidity of such positions.

    But then again, it happens. I still have in my possession a High School newspaper which has an article in it proposing an Anti-Gay Marriage argument, written by yours-truly. Just, if anything, to take out and show people that yes, I was one of THOSE people.

    I digress. Good article, good points, good execution. Keep on writing so I may read and think.

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